Saturday, November 24, 2007

C O M E D Y ..O F ..E R R O R S

I have this knack of getting into issues which cause excitement leading to palpitation but finally end in such a way that I can munch it through my life as sheer happy thoughts!This latest one happened less than 24 hours and before I proceed on my holidays,thought will share..Do you all have a choice..This time no yarn but the whole Truth except of course the names !!

Being a member of a Japanese association ,I was asked to host a dinner for 15 Japanese delegates in town.Normally for such occassions the office bearers troop in along and my job ends in smiles and paying the bill finally.So, fixed the venue as a club in the famous cricket ground at chepauk.

When I called up the club and informed them they cautioned me on the club dress code,and I faithfully forwarded the message to KARIKALAN (KARI)our association manager.In particular,I was warned that overseas people generally landed up in Bermuda,Capri and Hawaii slippers etc.This addtional caution was also transferred to KARI.

The guests were to reach by 730 pm.I was there by 7 pm wanting to ensure I played the perfect role of a host.The first salvo came in the form of..none of the office bearers could join but was told not to worry since two interpretors would accompany to take care of the language issue.KARI called up saying he would also drop guests and two interpretors,fine I would manage.All that was required was a plastered smile(which I was an expert by now watching the stewardess during theinnumerable trips flying!! )

Dot at 730 got a call on my mobile from one of the interpretor

Saravanan.... Sir where are you..

ME.......... I am in the club .

Saravanan... Sir we are also there

I realised these guys must have landed in some other club across the stadium.Guided him on the phone and in 15 minutes(normally it takes 5 mins ) I could see the two vans entering the club premises.Rushed out,to invite each guest personally.I had already practised how to bow in Japanese fashion and I was well prepared.

The automatic door opened, I bowed to the first Gentleman and as I lifted my head the chill hit me..All that I could see was slippers,raised my head a little to see T shirt without collar and above that a face of a gentle grand old man who must have been well past 80.The smile he gave was wonderful with mouth full of glittering golden teeth.He was Mr.NAKAMICHI or NAKAMICHI SAN in japanese.(SAN ..means avargal!)

One by one they trooped out.Everytime I bowed I was counting ,HAWAI slippers,Collarless T shirts..So it was 5 people in HAWAI slippers,4 In collar less T shirts.I wanted to shoot ..KARI..Now the dress code was glaring at me.. these people cannot enter..The first thought was to call KARI,and ask him to rush.My two interpreters were of no use I realised.Still,I had no choice.I called them aside and explained..

Me.....Saravanan,Arun kumar please listen.Ippo avanga ulla poga mudiyaadhu pa.Ore vazhi,otthar poi ivangalukku nearest shopla T shirtum shoesum vaangi varadhu than.

Arun nee enkuda inga irupa.

Saravanan,nee konjam avangalodu poi vaangi kodu. Credit card irukka pa ?( do you have credit card )

Saravanan....Kondu varale sir.( forgot to bring it )

Me....Indha Rs 4738.irukku,please rush and try to manage in this.

(I told both of them now the guests cannot enter,so asked Saravanan to rush out and buy the shirts with collar and shoes,handed over Rs 4738 and asked Arun to stay back with me )

Both explained the situation to the guests and naturally they were disappointed and wanted to go elsewhere.I pleaded ,apologised.Saravanan did a good job and the guests accepted.Saravanan was off in a jiffy with them .Arun was standing aloof and I told him..INGA VAAPA..He started blasting me as how I could address him as vaapa popa..I told him I meant no harm as I was almost twice his age .I told him sorry.But every 10 minutes he went on harping on the same.Added tension I realised, but kept my cool and with the now infamous plastered smile.

One hour later saravanan landed with the guests in an attire not violating the dress code...9 pm already and club would close at 1030.

Everything went off well,and the guests enjoying the Indian beer and Whiskey.Experts will agree this is a potent combination.NAKAMICHI sans age was telling and by 11 he was fast asleep in his chair.At 1130 we were the only guests around.An one minute thanks speech and then we all started going towards the pick up van.Doors closed.Bowed down and started waving ,the bus stopped.

NAKAMICHI SAN and the lady leader of the team came down and told me something which I couldnt understand.They started running towards the restaurent which by this time was closed. Not understanding,I also ran behind them and they started searching for something under the table where we were seated.I again asked the lady who replied ...teeth! ... WHAT!!

NAKAMICHI SAN was wiser with his age , he just opened his mouth .The gold mine of his dentures were missing..Oh my GOD..

Over the table and under the table were clean..That meant two things..Either the hundreds of cats which loiter around could have picked up the dentures and rushed to their holes or the dentures might have gone off with the dinner plates.I chose the second option since I didnt want to go in search the cats.

Rushed into the kitchen,luckily the cleaning had just started.Went thru the plates meticulously and PRESTO..there it was gleaming gold mine of dentures along with the left over bones.,Happiness lit on our face,washed it with the nearest available mineral water and in a second it snapped on to where it belonged to..NAKAMICHI SAN was happiness personified.

Back to the bus,wished them a SAYONARA.AS I stared moving towards the car ,I could see thru the corner of my eyes ARUN walking towards me,perhaps just to clarify once more as to why I called him VAA,PO..I was in no mood to spoil my excitement and off I went..



Tuesday, November 20, 2007

M O O N D R A M......P I R A I

K U D A A L ... Ratnagiri district .... Maharashtra

Peacefully located in the Western ghats, the exotic place where the world famous Alfonso mango grows in abundance.My reason being there was to install a major
machine (Optical emission Spectrometer ! Impressed,,hmm !! )in an upcoming
factory.Not many people had ventured into the then backward area which Govt was
trying to promote.A guest house modified from a garage,which perhaps was a home to a
thousand rats.I joined as rat no.1001 !!The only other unique thing in the vicinity
was a distant tower clock in a far off village and which never failed to chime at the stroke of every hour.Besides these, it was endless Ghats...
Installation completed and grand inauguration done with a handful of people.The
Director asked me to stay back for three more days as an observation period.I had no
choice but to accept. I was also very fatigued since the installation had taken
over 25 days.Something or other was going wrong.Inauguration was to be done on
AMAVASHYA day(NEW MOON )but could be completed only on the third day after
that ,which was the day of MOONDRAM PIRAI.

After a late dinner,went out for a walk.The air smelled so sweet ,I wanted it to be
bottled !!With only the stars to guide me,I sat on a stone.So romantic was the
ambience that I started singing a Tamizh Song loudly.Thambi Tamizha,( Are you a
Tamizhan )an old voice pierced the otherwise noiseless ambience.Startled but
composed I said yes,trying to identify the person.An old man ,with a spotless kurtha
came and sat opposite me.

After asking me several questions,which I painstakingly answered,I wanted to know
what the hell he was doing in such an obscure place.

Me ; What are you doing here?
He : I am here for several years and have been alloted this place
Me : You are a chowkidar or something ?
He : No
Me :Then ?
HE :I am in charge of the graveyard,a sort of leader
ME :Where is that? and a leader ?
He ;We are there only( meaning Graveyard ) and you are sitting on a tombstone
Me :What, saying this I tried to get up ,in vain
He : you cannot move without my permission.I am a KOLLIVAI PISASU(Fire eating
Ghost )
Me :whats that!!
He ;After being a RATTHA KAATTERI( Dracula or an Vampire ) for several years,I have
been promoted as this..
Me : pinched myself hard,but realised it was real
He :You just listen to my story and then I will let you go off
Me :Thinking it was a good deal.. Please tell me fast since I sleep off early.Its
already 1030 pm
He : Our family was in TN,a sort of cursed family.We would be leading a very
normal life .But between certain period in the nights,we turn into a Rattha
kaatteri,ie the blood sucking urge increases.So during that period we isolate
ourselves from everybody,in particular women. Even from our wives we used to
hide this fact and stay away on some pretext or other.Because once we drank
the blood from the neck of the women,thats it.. both of us are turned into the
RATTHA KATTERI (!!)and then we can no more lead the normal life .
It So happened one day, while playing, my son accidentally had turned the
clock couple of hours backward. Without realising it,I was talking with my
wife.The clock was showing only 9 PM, but my urge was overpowering me.And then
it was fate,both of us joined the clan .
(I could hear the distant clock chime 11 timesindicating it was well past my
sleep time).

Thats how I became one..Thats my story,said the old man...

Me :(I pretended I sympathised with him) I have heared your story,Please allow me
to leave.By the way when will you ever get beyond this stage and reach
heaven (orhell I thought to myself )
He : Take care of yourself and be very careful of whatever I told you,especially
the time and your wife.
Me :What the hell this man (KOLLIVAI PISASU)talking.Enna sollareenga.(what are u
HE : Onnumillepa.(Nothing )If I narrated my story to a man sitting on tomb
stone ,on a MOONDRAM PIRAI,between 10pm and midnight ,I would be off this
world for good,leaving the family curse to the person who listened to it.It
happened to be you.You seem to be a nice person.Be careful at home too.Never
stay with your wife from 10pm till 2minutes past midnight.You may get the urge
and then you know what happens....

Saying this he just vanished into the thin air

Me : yoooov....yoooov...yooov


PS..I request Makkal (PEOPLE ) to be careful on MOONDRAM PIRAI nights !!I understand,the clan is widely spread,deep rooted and very difficult to identify except at.....

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

T h e .. M i s t a k e n .. I d e n t i t y

Avanudaya tharpodaya peyar JO (His current name is JO).

He is the hero of the current blog and a good friend of mine from college days.I hadnt met him after my college ,since he migrated to the then Bombay.As always in everyones life the frienship and fondness developed during college days get etched deep in the mind.

I had made several trips to Mumbai ,little knowing he was living there all along.During one of the get togethers in chennai ,I came to know of his existance in Mumbai.I decided to contact and meet him during my current visit.

In my broken hindi ,I conveyed to the elderly auto driver my destination,not knowing that he was from Dharavi.When he replied back in chaste Tirunelveli Tamizh ,I felt greatly relieved.He introduced himself as rajendran better known as Annachi among friends.I was comforatble with that name.I knew I was in very safe hands and requested him to take me to Boriville.Since I was not very familiar with Mumbai,I asked him if he could fix a rate for up and down journey which he politely refused.He said.. Frienda paakka poriya,payya varuveenga(You are going to meet a friend,you will naturally delay)..and then in that auto ride I started my reliving my college days.

Jagannathan was his official name,which we dissected and called him Jaggu and the small north Indian group called him Jags. Already three names for him. A fairly intelligent bloke and studious too.Naturally he got great marks, our envy,and a job in Bombay.How would he be now.Will he recognise me.Decades since we met.

The words.. ayya erangi konga,,...(Sir Please get down ) brought me back to reality.Just as I was about to pay him ,I once again wanted to ask the driver to stay back and to drop me.But then I knew Mumbai was very professional, where every minute meant money.Will jaggu also feel I am wasting his time?

Sitting in his one roomed apartment,a corner of which was perhaps earmarked as drawing hall by imaginary walls,I broke the silence.Jaggu,eppadi da irukke(HOW ARE YOU ).A smile erupted in his otherwise expressionless face.Did I ask him anything wrong? Did I offend him.He realised my confusion and clarified."Its ages since I have been called as Jaggu,and here I am called JO".I was further confused.I knew GOAN girls were very beautiful.Has he fallen for one and changed his name.

JO,I dragged on..he royally ignored it..perhaps he didnt want to explain.
After few hours of catching up of good old days,he became a lot free.
Me, being a nosey parker ,couldnt resist asking him about his personal life.Then began his story.. his words...

"Soon after Degree I came to Bombay.Matunga was the place my relatives stayed and I lived in their house. One day as soon as I entered their house I fainted.I felt very light and when I turned back I could see my body lying on the floor and my relatives were around it (!)If I am lying there then who am I...I felt myself above my body and in a state which words cant describe.Sudddenly I found a cloud like object few feet away from me.It had all the hue pink, blue ,purple sparkling in places.It was approaching me.Then it dawned on me that it was the pick up for me !I was just 21 and already my term had ended here.

Just then, two more cloud like objects were heading toward us at breakneck speed.Then all the three merged .Nothing happened for a few seconds.Then ,the three objects reappeared,the last two left.Then wonder of wonders I began to sink back into my own body.What an experience.Words can never explain the few moments I was away from my own self.

As I sank back into my body totally, I could hear my uncle gently asking me..Beer edhavadhu saaptiya.(did you have Beer or something like that)..My God !!I had an experience of a LIFETIME and here they are asking me if I had Beer !!When I woke up ,the only hangover thought being..was it a case of mistaken identity !

Cheenu,(my name)till this date I have never found an answer to it.I havnt shared it with any one.I decided to remain single,since I perinially antipate that the VIMANAM (VIMAN )will come any time"

It was already past twilight,and just then the power went off.I thought ,I saw Jaggu's eyes alone were glowing like lit charcoal ,in the darkness.Was it a reflection from somewhere !My engineering brain refused to cooperate in this analysis.

By this time I had started sweating heavily and I was trying my best to see if he had feet!! My immediate thought was to rush back from Boriville to Chennai.Few minutes later I excused with Jaggu alias JO and told him I had to rush to the station. He offered to drop me ,which naturally and politely I refused.He started of..regarding my name as Jo, I was in no mood to listen..

Katti irunda Veshti ai maditthu katti(Ulle irukkum Kodu potta thuni manigal veliye theriyada varayil )aduttha kanam kizhe irangi vitten.(Rushing down the stairs ),with a strange feeling,my problem of locating an auto driver was uppermost As I started walking towards a junction,I spotted the friendly Annachi waiting.Rushing to him,as God sent,I told him my destination near the station.He too was equally pleased to see me..

SAAR,YAAR YAARO ENGA ENGAIYO POITTU VARANGA NEENGA IVVALAVU TENSION AAGAREENGALE..(People go to different sort of places and come back safely,why are you getting tensed here).Was annachi referring to Jaggus TRIP ?If so how did Annachi know about Jaggu..Shivers again .I gently peeped to the front.I couldnt see Annachis feet hanging ..He had kept it folded up...


Sunday, November 4, 2007

My Blog journey ..This Far

Life is strange and a paradox too..but equally if not wonderfully enjoyable.

Blog was alien to me till say August.An article in a newspaper talked highly on the same and somewhere in this aging brain of mine a spark (Though dim ) said this was it.My previous attempts in chat rooms was a disaster with me exiting that experience as fast as the light could pass through the broken east faced window pane of my room.

So perfectly misunderstanding blog ,to be a country cousin of chat room (though with an element of maturity in it )I started off with an id and a title which was close to my heart.I had to add the word Tamizhan to that since already a NGO existed by that name.And so to get past all the diffuculties I also had to add a T in unlimitted..Originally it was Tamilan and then my friend from Dubai said it should ZH instead of L and now its TAMIZHAN..hmm

As an veteran and with several battle scars which my life has inflicted on me ,I thought I will be of use to people ,by merely sharing their pains if not pleasures.After all by merely pouring out people feel lighter and could perhaps get on with life with a lot more confidence.

In passage through life, I have had several instances where I could be of use in marriages surviving. No jokes but that was and is the truth.On the hind sight when I think back (I know both are same,excuse )i have done nothing great except for listening. Apparently in this world ,among other things,time for each other seems to be a rarity !

And so with this in the background I started my first attempt in blogging.
The first person to visit my blog , there were questions and views from me.And then perhaps both of us realised this is not what blog is to be !

I visited some other blogs and then slowly a sort of realisation dawned on me that my objective and blog-o-sphere dont match.An awakening under the Blog Tree !People dont want to discuss IT out here and suddenly my Email box started having lot of contents in the inbox..fair enough.I started replying my friends out there and looks I am of help elsewhere and not in blog.Only that I had thought, by putting it on blog others would also benefit.

Now coming to my blog experience,it has been one wonderful journey and I have started enjoying it( perhaps at the cost of others time ).My two sons have a strange smile on their face when they realise their dad is HOOKED..

I realised Blog is very personal too.In my initial attempts I made a mistake of giving my opinion( though I promised myself that I would never do it)in someones site,I was politely asked to get lost.Respecting their privacy,I did ,without a murmer(did I have a choice).Lesson learnt..

In some of the blogs I do leave a request asking them to visit mine and many have obliged.No,I am not trying to increase my HITS( new word learnt by me from my kids)Only that I want different opinion on the way of my thinking expressed in my thoughts.!( now dont ask me what this means )

With some friends I do take the liberty of harmless banter and when they reciprocate I feel happy.I promise them that I will keep my limits !

With some friends my envy surfaces,in the manner their thoughts get expressed in TAMIZH and ENGLISH.
I am honestly envious.

Also an healthy competion surfaces with some when I see their blog meter rolling down (or is it up )compared to the auto meter of chennai(wonder if its the same else where,I mean the auto meter).Just then i read in one of my friends blog questioning the sanctity of these hits.Point well taken.

Some friends have told me, to keep my write ups short.hmm,can I ever succeed,I wonder.I promise my attempts will be at that!(Just excuse me for this one )

For statistics sake,44 friends have visited me so far,and some have left their imprints in many of them.Thanks for the encouragement !not forgetting your patience too !

But my counter shows some 1700 and odd..I wonder how that happens ,with just 44 friends.Does it mean everytime I sign in ,counter goes up by 1...My God ! does it mean I have logged in 1600 plus times..If this is true I must be crazy..experts please clarify !

I have a lot to learn from all of you for each one of you have a distinct style and language which makes me beam with happiness..I thoroughly enjoy going through.

Thanks friends ,for making my day and I will continue blogging ( of course without meeting the eyes of my kids for the smile on their faces is unexplainable.)

Couple of more things ( can I ever make things Short )

...I know my spellings are atrocious,thanks for bearing with it. like I dot the T s and Put a stroke on ..I..and whenever Im confused,which is normal,I interchange i and e....and grammer,my apologies to Mr Wren And MrMartin..wherever they are

...My email id continues to invite people who dont want to share out in are welcome

...for those friends whom i visit and and I know they visit me too,but seldom leave a comment...please leave your imprints,i look forward to it

And To finally to end this post (I needed a lot of determination to do that )